Fast in my car!
My real name is an infinitesimal notion, shielded protected.
Yesterday my name was a constitution of incandescent love.
Today my name is an apocalypse of the heart that eclipses the soul.
Tomorrow my name will be a mausoleum in which the demons lie.
I will chant a somniferous melody, put them to rest and transcend
the darkness to perch beside my mate.
Today while doing our nails there was a movie playing on the screen, they had three screens playing HBO and STARZ and we were trying to guess what movie was playing. It had Jennifer Aniston in it, so my moms friend guessed horrible bosses and I was like “no impossible that movie playing is old” and they asked “how do you know” to which I responded that with the camera quality and style of filming I’m guessing 90s or very very early 2000. (The media production degree starting to show) Her friend responded that sometimes they make movies to look old. I had to prove I was right so naturally I imdbed it. (Have the app on my phone) It was office space made in 1999. I refrained myself from bowing because of my awesomeness. You’re really going to argue that with me, trust me I may not be making films due to certain life limitations but all my time watching tv and movies are not a waste. However a friend of mine did point out that I was lame for not having already known it was office space…eh to each their own ;)
I wish I could say I have found the love I was looking for, but the truth is I’m not really sure what I’ve found. All I know is that the deeper I dig in it, the deeper I am digging into myself and that seems like a risk I am willing to take. I was right before, because I have felt it, because I have gotten the proof I was seeking, I no longer feel the years of desperation that had so heavily plagued me. I thought I was unloved because no one could love me and that no one would. I still don’t have that love quite yet but now I know it’s possible. That its possible because of who I am not who I wish I was. There are areas of my head and heart that have yet to be awaken. I look forward to seeing what my heart and mind are capable of. I look forward to loving till I have nothing left to give and yet still loving more. I look forward to each experience that that entails. I have waited since the seventh grade, when I first heard Evanescence’s Bring me to Life to actually feel like I was awake. It took until the age of 22 but I can finally say I no longer feel frozen inside. Thank you, for bringing me to life.